so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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