I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize