um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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