You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
