so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
