btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
