he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
