just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
