dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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