what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
