Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I believe in your delicious
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
