im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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