saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
