If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
