slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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