I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
