Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
