You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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