My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize