So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
even my farts smell like vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
