Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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