So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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