At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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