My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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