It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The ass gains better be worth it
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