Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
