I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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