why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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