Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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