Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
