I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
