after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
