No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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