So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
