I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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