are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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