Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize