I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
