She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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