Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
