Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
