I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
