I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
