Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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