before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A bitchslap is in order.
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