Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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