OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize