She said her name was "party"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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