Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he puts the penis in happiness.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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