Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
