remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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