and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
