Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well you can't waste a boner
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
