I heard we made out
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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