I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
