The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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