pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
