On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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