I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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