I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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