Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize