clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
