I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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