Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize