u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
