your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
