My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
