you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize