Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
