I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
that's an acceptable place to lick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
