My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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