My liver just broke up with me...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize