Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
