There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
