i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
