Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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